From being close to twenty-three years of existence in this chaotic world. I have never been completely satisfied to state that I have already found myself. I still believe that my whole enigmatic sense of being is still lying somewhere.
I don't know what will my life would be. No plans, no goals, I am free floating. I'm in limbo. I could not even recognized myself anymore. As if myself have been gone many years ago without coming back. Does myself already died from where it is used to be right now? I had no idea. Barely naked without any thoughts of becoming alive again.
I did many disappointments not only to myself but to those who expect too much from me.
I have received many rejections as well that made my heart so cold as if it does not suffice enough flame to lit the darkest room.
I laugh and smile, but it does not reflect absolute happiness instead mirroring an unknown sadness of one's ego. I do not know when the world will meet its final judgment. I also do not know when will I be free from this depression.
Depression that nobody could let go , insecurity that nobody could cure, and hatred that nobody could unleashed ---except me.
My nemesis is my own self. I slowly kill my existence with this dark, gloomy, unacceptable fact that I could no longer fathom.
Myself is an inevitable disaster. I could no longer control the oblivion that continuously sprouting on my veins. My alter ego is eating my whole human being.
Only divine intervention could perform a miracle to save me now on this very situation that I'm into. I hope before my exact 23rd realization that I've been in this life. I may find the real me.
The true, bold, and
free-spirit creation of God. :)
